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What do gays, lesbians and bisexuals do? What are they like? Why do they act like that?
(05/04/2004) by Blaise Parker
In many ways, gays, lesbians and bisexuals are just like anyone else. They practice the same behaviors in the bedroom. They fall in love, get hurt, and feel joy and pain just as anyone else. It has been speculated that there are different cultural differences (for instance, anecdotal evidence suggests that gay male culture is more prone to casual sex and more focused on physical appearance than heterosexual people, whereas anecdotal evidence suggests that lesbians are quicker to commit and have more intimate relationships than heterosexual people). Are these stereotypes true? Perhaps they are, and perhaps not. They do function to reproduce gender stereotypes about men and women. Men are thought to be more visual and more sexual, so it would follow logically that gay men would be more likely to focus on appearance and to have casual sex. Women are thought to be more emotional and more romantic, so it would follow that stereotypes about lesbians emphasize these details, too. I am not personally familiar with research on either of these areas, so I will only caution you to treat stereotypes with a healthy dose of skepticism.
Cass (1979) has created a model for the development of a gay, lesbian or bisexual sexual identity. (Actually, initially bisexuality was not a part of this model, and there may be some distinct differences in the development of a bisexual self-identity. However, for our purposes, this model will do.) The following model is intended to give you a sense of what a gay, lesbian or bisexual person might go through while coming to terms with his or her sexual orientation. It is important to remember, though, that not everyone will experience these stages. (This model dates to 1979 when there was much less societal support for gays, lesbians and bisexuals.)
Cass suggests that individuals start at a state in which they are not aware of their sexual orientation. An initial event (such as a same-gender attraction) may cause a person to begin this developmental process. The stages Cass proposes are as follows:
- Identity confusion - "Am I homosexual?" The feeling of "always having been different" or being uncertain about one's sexual orientation. Typically accompanied by searching for information on homosexuality and questioning of self and behavior.
- Identity comparison - "I may be homosexual." Acceptance of the possibility that one may be homosexual. Presents a public image of heterosexuality (passing) and still finds a homosexual self-image undesirable.
- Identity tolerance - "I probably am homosexual." A greater level of commitment to the identity is reached here. Person tolerates rather than accepts his/her identity. Attempts to seek out contacts in the homosexual community.
- Identity acceptance - Continued and increasing contacts with other homosexuals. Homosexuality is validated and normalized. Selective disclosure to significant heterosexual people in a person's life is common. Incongruency between passing as heterosexual and identifying as homosexual is troubling.
- Identity pride - Devalues the importance of heterosexual others, gives more weight and commitment to homosexual community. Combination of anger and pride; activism. Coming out process.
- Identity synthesis - Homosexual identity becomes less important, individual realizes that the "us vs. them" strategies are not necessarily true or beneficial. Identity is integrated into the self concept.
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