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Mind Over Matter - How Your Thoughts Can Inhibit Orgasm
(03/28/2007) by Yvonne Fulbright
Many women experience difficulty attaining orgasm, either with a partner or while masturbating. While the ultimate cause of a females inability to reach orgasm is not known with any great certainty, there are many factors, several of which are psychological, at play (Heiman & Grafton-Becker)among them:
- Psychological problems, such as depression and a fear of intimacy, often contribute to lack of orgasm. Sex can cause a lot of anxiety in some individuals who fear humiliation or who are unsure of themselves, especially if they have never had sex, have had a bad sexual experience, or have poor body image. Anxiety may also stem from fears about not being able to become aroused or failing a partner, or about the negative consequences of sex, like possible pregnancy.
- Performance anxiety is the fear of failure during sex. Its when a woman puts pressure on herself to be a "good" lover and, in doing so, becomes preoccupied with her every move. In taking on the role of a spectator – watching herself perform – instead of enjoying shared intimacy, performance anxiety can shut down partner communication, comfortability, and relaxed breathing, all of which are crucial elements for orgasm. If a woman is thinking too much instead of enjoying the moment, or is wondering what her partner thinks of her or if shes doing it "right," she represses her response.
- Negative messages about sex and genitalia can inhibit ones sexual response. If a woman has been taught to regard sex as something dirty or something not to be enjoyed, instead of something healthy and natural, she may experience a guilt that gets in the way of truly enjoying sexual intimacy.
- Interpersonal problems, e.g. estrangement from a partner, can make lovemaking difficult. The idea of getting sexually intimate with somebody she has negative feelings about, uncertainty about the relationship, or pressure to have sex can all impact her orgasmic potential. Furthermore, if she is in denial of any relationship problems, e.g., what we have is perfect, then she may not be able to address whats shutting down her orgasmic response.
A womans inability to orgasm can leave her feeling deprived, deficient, and depressed. Such feelings, in turn, further suppress orgasm. Its important to remember that some women, for whatever reason, do not experience orgasm on all or many occasions of sexual activity, but still report that they enjoy their sexual relationship and dont regard themselves as having a sexual problem. The extent to which a woman and/or her partner view her lack of orgasm(s) as a problem depends on their expectations and which partner theyre trying to satisfy.
So in dealing with her lack of orgasm, a woman has to consider what orgasm means to her and to her partner. Seeing it as a goal to be "achieved," or as symbolic of a better relationship is only going to put more pressure on the situation. A woman should also think about who has ownership of her body. She should feel in control of it, of her pleasuring, and the relationship in order to be able to let go. Lastly, both partners need to communicate and feel a sense of being involved in the relationship so that she can diffuse the psychological distress shes experiencing.
**Many women and couples may want to work with a sex therapist or counselor in addressing orgasmic response. To find a professional near you, visit the American Association of Sex Counselors, Therapists & Educators site: www.aasect.org.
Source: www.loveandhealth.info
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