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Question:
What about people who have cerebral palsy and no sexual partner. What are their rights?
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Answer:
by : (05/25/2004)
This is a very interesting question. Our society does not recognize the expression of one's sexuality with another as a human right. For the most part, it is left up to the individual to establish and develop sexually intimate relationships with others during the course of their lives. Acceptance or rejection of one as a lover (especially in the beginning) is unfortunately often connected to those images of attractiveness and functioning that our culture most values. While many of us involved in disability studies are fighting to expand the notion of desirability, the ideals and values of mainstream society to a significant degree still hold sway.
Nevertheless, there are people out there who do not let the prevalent images of attractiveness and desirability determine who they choose to love. Of the 14 men with cp. (ages 18-54) in the research I am conducting, 10 of them have been involved in a sexually intimate relationship lasting for more than 3 months, 3 have been married, 2 are currently married and 4 are currently in long-term relationships. Keep in mind only one of the study participants has mild cp. All of the others have significant mobility impairments and most have speech difficulties with 4 being non-verbal and using augmentative communication devices.
It is clearly not easy to continually risk one's self in trying to establish relationships that have the potential for sexual relations. Yet, this is what the consensus is for the men who are successful in my study. The trick is to be respectful of others and not to offend sensibilities. One has to also learn to think of one's self as a sexual being, as sexy, even though the message that disabled people get from the larger society is often that this is not an option. Yet, if you can find a way to think you are sexy--amazingly others with pick that up. The most successful men in my study have figured out how to communicate their sexual nature to others A clear message that is conveyed by the research is that alternative contexts to the cultural context of romance works best for disabled men. It makes sense that singles bars and mainstream relationship ads in which people are often judged on how closely they fit our society's ideals most often do not work for people with disabilities (it would be interesting to see how much they in fact work for non-disabled people). Communal living arrangements, art communities, disability related work environments and involvement in the Independent Living Disability Rights Movement are several alternative contexts in which some of the men in my study have been able to develop a sense of themselves as sexual and have in fact found sexual love.
There are of course the options of prostitution and sexual surrogacy. While several men in my study have been to prostitutes on occasion. They all eventually decided this kind of relationship was not satisfying on an emotional level. However, some would emphasize that it was a necessary step in their sexual development and helped to fill a short term need.
In terms of sexual surrogacy--while no men in my study went this route, it is an option that takes the illegality and possible harshness/rip of potential (of the prostitution scene) out of the encounter. Sexual
surrogates and are in any event trained to be sensitive to your sexual and emotional development needs.
No, the expression of one's sexuality with a partner is not a right. But we must take every opportunity to level the playing field. The asexual and negative portrayal of people with disabilities (especially cp.) in the mainstream culture and especially the media needs to be countered at every turn (i.e. criticizing film portrayals, etc.). Working hard in these kind of ways, perhaps someday disabilities will be simply seen as variation with no negative moral charge attached. And perhaps more people will consider taking disabled people as lovers. I hope this addresses the gist of your enquiry. If you have further thoughts or questions, don't hesitate to ask.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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