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Question:
I am a 52-year-old woman with multiple sclerosis. Before the onset of MS five years ago, my husband and I made
love about once a week and I always had an orgasm. But the more disabled I get the less I want to have sex with my
husband. I want to, I dream about it, but I can't do it. I've rejected him for four years now and I am afraid I am going to
lose him. How can I go about rekindling my desire for sex?
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Answer:
by Mitchell Tepper: (05/16/2004)
Low sexual desire may be caused by a general medical condition like MS, psychological factors or a combination of both.
Fatigue, medications, disturbed body image and past negative family or sexual experience can all contribute to sexual
dysfunction. Based on the information you provide, I would speculate that fear of rejection and self-loathing because of your
disability may be two contributing factors. Opening yourself to your husband raises the possibility that he might reject you.
This outcome would only confirm your unexpressed feelings about your attractiveness and ability to fulfill your role as a wife.
Loss of physical function or the ability to perform household tasks does not necessarily translate into loss of attractiveness.
Your husband may still love you for the life you share together and may still be eager to have sex with you. You'll only find
out if you give him a chance. It may be time to take the risk of sharing your fears with your husband. If the communication
goes well, you can start with sexual activity that might be less threatening than intercourse. You may want to please him
orally, if that was part of your love making in the past. You may want him to give you a massage and bring you to orgasm with
his fingers. Taking small steps to build positive sexual experiences is the best way to overcome fear and regain desire.
If the communication doesn't go well or if you cannot bring yourself to broach the subject, then you should seek professional
help. More severe forms of reduced sexual desire call for a comprehensive treatment approach. The foundation of that
approach includes a detailed psychosexual and medical history. Treatment may involve education, exercise and psychological
interventions. It is important to find a qualified sex therapist with training in working with people with low sexual desire.
You might also elicit the help of a physician who is willing to address sexual issues as part of a general physical.
--Mitch TepperReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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