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Question:
I am 29 years old and have great difficulty with penetration. I was molested and have been in therapy for 9 years now. It has helped me a great deal but I still cannot get over this penetration hurdle. I have never had intercouse and I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years and have exhaused all means of the really-creative- everything -but- intercouse -sex. I HATE that my body does not behave normally and I don't know how to not be frigid. I have had 4 visits with a gynocologist to have an exam and the most they have been able to do is insert a finger for about 20 sec. before I become really upset and then they stop. I have not been able to have a pap smear wich i know is important but I don't know how to fix this involuntary terror I have when something is about to go into me. Are there any practical step by step methods I can use to help myself ? Is there a name for this thing besides just being afraid of intercouse?I have sought out information but I am beginning to feel like I'm the "crazy stuck being a virgin and cobwebs will grow in my uterus girl". I pray that you will answer my question soon and I thank you so much for your time.

Answer:
by Susan Kellogg-Spadt: ()
The first thing that you must know is that you're not alone. I have so many patients like you and success is truly possible. The first thing that you need to do is find a healthcare provider (doctor or nurse) who specializes in either sexual medicine or pelvic floor dysfunction (Its very likely that you'll need to travel to a nearby large city in order to get this kind of specialty care). Sometimes nurses who work with incontinence also deal with vulvodynia or vaginimus (which are the names for what it sounds like you have). You will probably go through either physical therapy or biofeedback and lots of careful home dilation exercises. Sometimes psychotherapy is also recommended. Be patient with yourself and DON'T GIVE UP! What you have can be treated.

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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