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Question:
I am a school nurse with a Fifth grade student who has been harassed by fellow classmates b/c he is so feminine. He befriends only females and has very feminine mannerism. Mother has come to us concerned about him being teased at school. The guidance counselor has spoken one on one with the students participating in the harassment and the teacher says it has gotten better. But the teacher and guidance counselor came to me for suggestions for the student being harassed. I told them that I think it is hormone related but I haven't dealt with this before here at school. I do have a 9 yr. old nephew with the same problem. His mother and I are very close and she has asked me many times what I think she should do about him. In his situation he has a testicle that never descended and it atrophied. I told her I thought his was hormone related b/c of the atrophied testicle and that I would talk to his Dr. about it. He is very intelligent and musically and artistically inclined but has a very low self esteem. He complains often about not having any friends except females. I have a son the same age and when he comes over to play he gets very frustrated b/c he doesn't enjoy the same things as my son and most other boys enjoy(playing ball, riding fourwheelers, etc). They both wind up arguing b/c my son refuses to participate in his activities such as dancing, acting out plays, etc. I am interested in feedback for both of them and their families. Thanks.
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
This is one of the more difficult situations for a young male growing up in our culture. Males have such a narrow range of "accepted" behaviors that the gentle or more feminine males really struggle.
There may be nothing hormonal that directly relates to this, though having a good medical check up cannot hurt.
What is a concern to me is that he is being harassed and also knows that he is very different. There was a wonderful ABC segment on 20/20 called "Gentle Boys" just before Thanksgiving dealing with this issue. The parents gave lots of support to the child, but the friends and school arena is tough.
The teachers who work with the children can be helpful, just as the school can be by helping children learn to respect different and to be accepting of others for who they are. That means having lots of lessons and discussions about how different and special we are. Helping him feel good about himself and take pride in his talents is something all of you need to do. His parents need to encourage his musical and artistic talent because once he values this and gets better at it, he can then use that strength to help him as he grows older. Since he is musical, taking him to plays, concerts and really finding others taking music and art can help him find friends that have the same interests as he does. His parents may want to send him to art/music camps in the summer and really investigate programs in your area where he can find others who are more like him. Always keeping him with those who are so different and trying to force him into a mold is just not good for him.
Supporting him and letting him be valued for who he is unconditionally is what will help him the most.
Editors note: Additionally I would suggest that the child be evaluated by a gender specialist. Many of the traits and experiences that you mention are common in a transgendered persons history. Two excellent resources to get started learning more: 1)Transsexualwomensresources.com - located at annelawrence.com. This is an excellent website with much information and also includes sections regarding children and one for parents too. 2) Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association (HBIGDA). On both of these websites you will find the HBIGDA Standards of Care which describe the current medically proscribed treatment procedures for transgendered children and adults. Don't delay - if either of these children is transgendered, they need support and guidance from knowledgeable and compassionate providers who can assist them in moving towards a more gender congruent existence. Please write back if you have further questions. Patricia Fawver, Ph.D.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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