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Question:
My girlfriend and I am have a very beautiful relationship. We respect each other and our communication is good. But although she wants to be with me sexually, she says that there is something that obstructs her to have intercourse with me. I don't whether this is physical or psychological or a combination of both,

Answer:
by Annette Owens: (05/18/2004)
From my other information I know that you are in your twenties, and you have known each other for four years. Your girlfriend is going to therapy, and your relationship has drastically improved since you have been in couple's therapy. I strongly encourage you to continue to stay in couple's therapy and with the therapist's help work on what the obstacles in your relationship might be. It is important that you give your girlfriend the time she needs. You feel that she loves you very much, and this is very, very important. It is obvious that she is working on her own issues with the help of her therapist. There can be many reasons for why she is not ready for sexual intercourse with you. For example, if she has ever had any negative sexual experiences in her past it may take her a lot of work to overcome this obstacle. The book "The Sexual Healing Journey" (ISBN: 0-06-092155-2) by Wendy Maltz, who also answers questions on this website describes the often long and windy road from sexual abuse to sexual healing. Another possibility is that your girlfriend's morals prevent her form engaging in intercourse before she is married. I can only speculate on what her reasons may be, and you just have to be patient and wait for her to tell you if and when she is ready. I find it very positive that she is in therapy and that you are seeing a therapist as a couple. Give her the time she needs to resolve her issues. For now focus on the love between you. This is the best foundation for a strong and lasting relationship. Sincerely, Annette Owens, MD PhD

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team

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