Just recently I went on vacation without my boyfriend and cheated on him for the first time in 8 years. The person I cheated with means nothing to me at all. I'll probably never see him again. We didn't exchange any contact information with each other. I had a lot of other fun with him on my vacation too. We danced, and drank, and played in the ocean. It was all very exciting. I have no romantic interested in him, but I can't seem to get the good time we had off my mind. I find myself trying to find out who he is ( by searching on the internet ) and learn more about him. I don't know why I keep doing this.

Before I left to go on my vacation I was very happy with my current relationship with my boyfriend. We have a great life, and a great time together. We have a lot in common and spend most of our free time together. Before I went away I would tell everyone all the time how much I loved my boyfriend, how he means everything in the world to me and how we are going to grow old together.

Now, I just keep thinking about partying and going out with other men. Now, I'm unsure about my feelings about my current boyfriend. I keep thinking about how much fun and different my life could be and the excitement of meeting new people.

I want to stop thinking this way. I want everything to go back to the way it was. I want to be in love with my boyfriend again. I want to feel that he is everything to me and that I wouldn't have a life without him.

So, my questions are: What can I do? and Is this something that a Sex Therapist can help me with?

As far as the rest of what you ask, it really comes down to your level of desire in creatinf the kind of relationship you want to have. All the things you had great fun doing with "the stranger" when you were on vacation are all tihngs you could do with your boyfriend. What prevents you from having fun with him? You say that, apart from the sex, you have a great relationship. What makes it great? Perhaps you can examine what aspects of the relationship you enjoy and see how you can make them stronger. On the other hand, it's important to know what elements are bringing you down in the relationship and see how you can change those. In order for you to believe your boyfriend is "everything" you have to want him to be, and believe that he can be. Don't focus on what the relationship is not but, instead, on what it is - especially the good stuff.

I think a sex therapist could definitely help you with this. I see a couple of issue that can be addressed: losing desire, repeating a cycle of disappointment in other relationships (ie, if you seek others for sexual excitement and you don't get it, do you seek others to try to find it and continue this disappointment?), sexual communication with your boyfriend (doesn't sound as if there's much of it), and fantasy-play. A therapist can certainly help you with each or all of these, including how to bring more fantasy play into the relationship. I would recommend you take that route, as opposed to relying on a 2-dimensional forum like this, because I sense that there are alot of things you might need to discuss fully with someone. I wish you much luck in this endeavor and please write back if I can be of any further assistence. I promise I will respond in a more timely manner... Take care and be ewll.

Larry Siegel

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team