How do i get my kids away?

How do i pleausure my self right to feel good? What are some intimate ways my husband and i can have sex?

I don't have a lot of experience with kids around the house, myself. However, I've heard this complaint from some of my friends who are also parents, and I don't think it is at all unusual. I would say the best things you could do would include having them stay over at a friend's house (or perhaps a family member, if any live nearby), or hiring a babysitter. I know it can sometimes be difficult to justify spending the money on a sitter just so you can have sex, but think of it like this. You and your husband are parents, but you are also still a couple, and you deserve some time alone. If you do not take it, you are not paying your relationship the respect it deserves.

As far as finding time to masturbate, have you considered taking a bath and doing it there? A lot of women find the warm water and time alone to be relaxing, just the thing they need to get in the mood. There are a variety of waterproof sex toys available, too, including some that are designed to look like bathtub toys. If you are worried about the noise of a vibrator, you can bring a small radio or CD player in and play some music. Tell your kids you need some private time, and then take it.

I think with kids it is important to establish firm boundaries about your privacy. I don't want to critique your parenting, especially since I don't know you and don't have kids of my own. But you may want to practice just telling them that you and your husband sometimes want to be alone, and have them find ways to entertain themselves. At their age, that shouldn't be too hard, especially if you remain in the house.

Finally, as far as techniques (both for masturbation and for 2-person sex), there are a million things you can do. I would suggest taking the time to really get to know your body. Try touching yourself in different ways, different places, to see what you enjoy. Perhaps you would find that reading some erotica would help. Don't be afraid to use lube (Astroglide is a good one that you can find at most stores, and a lot of sex toy places have a huge selection of higher end stuff) while you masturbate or have sex, as it can make the experience much more pleasurable. Also, don't necessarily try to rush things. Sometimes it takes time, and impatience can lead to frustration. If you don't have any good places to shop for sex toys in your town, you can check out the "Shopping link" on this website. Other good places are Good Vibrations and Toys in Babeland. Their phone operators are good at talking to you and helping you pick something that meets your needs.

You may find that a vibrator helps the situation immensely. A lot of women just can't get the stimulation required to have an orgasm without a little help. One that is very popular is the Hitachi Magic Wand, but there are so many different styles and variations that it would be hard for me to recommend any one in particular. Also, varying the position when you have sex can be exciting and fun. I'm sure you know the basics: man on top, woman on top, doggy style. You can lay side by side, you can try standing up, hanging off the edge of the bed, or any other number of things. If you want to get some ideas, I recommend looking at this site, which has a lot of illustrated positions.

Finally, one more thing that can make sex between you and your husband exciting and fun is by trying new things. Go out one night and play "strangers meeting at a bar," or have a quickie somewhere. Rent a hotel room, dress differently, or just act out a fantasy or some sort (provided you both agree). I think you will find that these things can lead you to a very happy and fulfilling sex life!

Best,

Blaise

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team