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Question:
I am 22 and have been married for 2.5 years to a man that I love SOOO much. Everything is perfect except for our sex life. Basically, I just don't want to have sex anymore. I still have sex with him once a week, and usually get into it once we are having sex, but I never want to in the beginning. I am in grad school right now and think this may be stress related but I have other concerns. When I was young, between nine and eleven, my brother (who is two years older) would touch me when I was sleeping. I would wake up to him stroking my thigh or feeling under my shirt. Once I woke up to him sucking on my toe. It never went any farther than touching and when I would wake up he would run away. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal, there was no penetration or anything but it still bothers me. Now, when my husband touches me when trying to initiate sex I get really emotional and aggrivated and just want to shove him away. If I do have sex with him when I don't want to sometimes I will get so aggrivated that I start to cry and have to get away from him. I don't know if I'm just stressed out and don't want to have sex or if it has something to do with my past. What should I do? How can I increase my sex drive?
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Answer:
by Sandra L. Caron: ()
I think you have raised some pretty good issues. And I think that the stress you feel currently, as well as the stress you felt in the past due to your brother, could both be contributing to your lack of interest. Have you talked to your partner about this? I am curious to know if he understands what is going on for you and your lack of desire. If he knows, how understanding is he? It sounds like maybe he is in the dark on some of this. I do think you are wise to pay attention to how you are feelings - and to realize that sex is supposed to be about an interaction - not somthing someone just does repeatedly for someone else. I also think you would benefit from meeting alone or as a couple with someone who can be objective - a counselor who might have some ability to help you two work through the desire issues. I am glad to know you recognize there is a problem - that you have concerns- and that you are motivated to find a solution. Best wishes. Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.
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