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Question:
How do I help my boyfriend who was raped at the age of 21 and now it is biting him in the ass? He is pushing me and his family away and I am the only person he confided in and talked to him about my rape at age 9. However, I feel this is worse for a man than a woman because it has taken his strength as a man away. He keeps pushing me away than pulling me back and I need to know how to help him? there are other situations in our relationship for example I am in the military and being deployed and we just broke up again...
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Answer:
by Wendy Maltz: (06/22/2004)
Rape at any age is traumatic and can have serious lasting consequences, especially when the person who was raped does not get professional help. The most you can do as a partner is let him know you care about him and want a close, healthy relationship. Encourage your boyfriend to find a good therapist. He might start by contacting a rape crisis hotline in the nearest big city and asking for referrals for therapists who have worked with male survivors of adult rape. It is a good sign that he confided in you about his past, but it's really up to him to go further in his healing. Breaking silence is the first step. He also needs to realize that what he experienced happens to other men. Healing is possible, but takes courage and determination. Unnecessary shame is often one of the biggest obstacles, but even it can be overcome. You need to take care of yourself, and honor your needs and limits, regardless of what he decides to do.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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