Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (05/27/2004)
You really are the intelligent and healthy college student that you describe. Your question is filled with so much insight and acknowledgement that you should be proud.
Usually people put themselves at risk as you described because of situations in the past, or unhealthy patterns that were also triggered by past relationships. Yours are probably no exception.
You have already made the first step, by writing this question. You acknowledge that you have put yourself at risk, and you don't want to do that. Since you have been tested, and nothing has been found, the likelihood of you testing positive for HIV is not very high. Usually it is combined with other sexually transmitted diseases.
You really do need to get the results. IF you should happen to test positive, there are all kinds of treatments utilized presently to keep the viral load negligible and allow you to live a long healthy life. AIDS is just not he death sentence that it once was twenty years ago. That isn't to say you should not worry about it and continue risky encounters with people (without the use of latex condoms) but getting tested regularly and using that information to guide your treatment extends normal life to most individuals today.
You certainly can change the behavior that you don't like. You recognize it and show an amazing amount of self-understanding. I would suggest that you seek out a good counselor/psychologist who you can develop rapport with and get some support for you desire to change. Having someone to help you sort out how the past influences your present behavior can be a big help.
If you want to keep asking questions here, also feel free to do that. I know you can make changes. You are way too intelligent and insightful for allowing yourself to be unhappy about past choices.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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