Question:
Dear Dr. Larry Siegel,
I asked you a few questions before via Sexual Health Network, and you allowed me to use your e-mail address. I respect very much your expertise. I want to ask your professional opinion regarding the two cases in my life. I apologize in advance for the details, but I need your assessment based on the facts and medical criteria. So, I will try to explain everything.
I lived in another country during that time. One time during my early adolescence (when I was around 11-12 years old) and the second time during my late teens (around 18 years old) there were school exams. When I was 11-12 years old, I sat stupidly in the class. Under the desk, I put my hand in the pants' (trousers) pocket, touched (rather, itched) my penis and had an orgasm. It was my first orgasm in my life - I did not understand what occurred.
The second time (I was 18 years old), there was a very long exam for 6 hours. As I remember, no one idea came to my brain in the beginning of these exams. Again I put my hand in the pocket of my pants and touched my penis; however, I did not expect that it would happen so quickly (it lasted not more than 10-15 seconds). I controlled the situation, but it was very pleasurable, and I did not want to stop. As the results, after that, many good ideas came to my brain, and both exams were very successful. This never happened again in my life. In both cases, my behavior was done very privately, nobody could notice.
What is your evaluation? Were these cases bad? Were they the examples of sexual compulsive behavior? What do you think? Maybe it is a bad idea to share such history; however, I appreciate your expertise and your effort to clarify the issues of human sexuality. It is important for me to know - what was with me. Was it bad? These cases occured in the school. How? I felt and feel terrible about them. I cannot understand why they occured. Were these 2 cases abnormal? I would appreciate your answer and clarification. Thank you so much!
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (06/28/2004)
Hello again and thanks for for the kind words.
Given what you describe, I can't say that you did anything "bad" nor would this fall under sexual compulsivity. Please know that you have nothing to
feel badly about. When people - especially children - are under stress, there is nothing more grounding or comforting than sexual pleasure. I am often getting calls from school teachers to ask what they can do to stop children from "touching themselves" in class. It simply is a way to deal with stress. I would also point out that this becomes a concern when the stress-reducing behavior becomes frequent (and compulsive). This very often indicates some
ongoing stress or trauma in the child's life; oftentimes indicating sexual abuse. That does not seem to be the case with you.
The other incident, when you were 18 and in a 6 hour exam, could very well have been a "throw-back" coping response. Anxiety in adults is also
decreased by sexual pleasure. Whether or not you actually had an orgasm doesn't really matter. Like in childhood, it seems that you went to genital stimulation as a way of coping with what you were feeling during the exam. The result, it
would appear, was that you were able to decrease some anxiety, which allowed you to think better about the exam. You then, as you indicated, did well on the exam. That's actually a good thing.
You also said that it never happened again. I, therefore, wouldn't worry that you might be a deviant or have have anything to worry or feel badly about.
Hopefully, at this point in your life, you have developed other more effective ways of coping with stress and anxiety.
I appreciate your writing back with your concerns and questions and encourage you to continue to see us as a resource for you. However, since I will be moving in the near future, I'm not sure about my email address (I may change
ISPs). Feel free to write in via the website and as long as you address your queries to me, they will be sent to me directly.
I wish you much success in your life and relationships. Take care and be well.
Regards,
Larry Siegel
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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