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Question:
well im 20 and ive always been a worrier ,ive always sexually loved girls since i was 6 believe it or not but when i was 15 i started smoking pot and there was this guy we new who turned gay! well after a while i started to think geez if he can turn gay so can i! and i started testing myself in my mind to see if i liked men just to be sure...everytime i thought of it i went cold and felt sick my penis shrivelld up and so did my testicles but 5 years later im still testing myself WHY? ive never been attracted to a man that is sick.everyday at least 15 times i close my eyes and test myself again, it came to a point where i was nearly sick,its like i cant relax without making sure everyday,i love girls more then anything in the world they are beautiful things and they really get me going! But i dont understand this fear of turning gay even tho i have never had the SLIGHTEST feeling towards a man! I cant understand why men like men ,so it keeps me thinking that maybe i could! when i see a gay man i get scared and think hes a freak and wonder why he is that way! this testing has ben going on for 5 years its ridicoulos but i just say to my self one more time to make sure.then i feel ill again why cant i just say if u r attracted to men your gay if your not your not gay! thats it simple but my mind makes me think it to be sure ! please help I must be the only one in the world with this fear!!!!!!

Answer:
by Yvonne Fulbright:
(06/04/2004)
Given that homosexuality/bisexuality is not always favorably looked upon, it can be difficult to think of such erotic thoughts favorably. Not that I think you are or are not gay, but I get the vibe that you're afraid to tap into your erotic potential. Few people are strictly gay or strictly heterosexual. Most heterosexual people have the occasional homoerotic thought. How that is processed and accepted varies widely. Since it sounds like this has been bothering you for a while, you may want to consider talking to a sex therapist. They can help you work through whatever reasons you have for these worriesome thoughts and help you to deal with this fear. Thank you for visiting the Sexual Health Network. Yvonne K. Fulbright, MS.Ed.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team

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