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Question:
Hi, i am an 18 year old male and am still a virgin, i recently met a girl the same age as me who i have been trying to get intimate with. This girl is very experienced, and i find her attractive. She was giving me oral sex for the first time and i lost my erection after about 5 minutes, the next night she tried again and the same thing happened. Tontite we tried to have sex for the first time and after she put on the condom i lost my erection again before i could begin. I have been masturbating regularly for about 4 years now to porn on the internet, mostly just basic stuff nothing to weird. I used to masterbate every night before going to bed, now in college i do it maybe 1-2 times per week. I have never been with a girl before, never anytihng before this girl. I do find her phisicaly attractive and i do care about her so i dont think she is the problem. She admits that she is a nympho, and really wants to have sex, however i feel inadaquate for not being able to perform, she keeps telling me that she is probably not right for me, i dont think this is the problem. Is there anytinhg i can do???

Answer:
by Robert Birch:
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Sounds like a bad case of "performance anxiety." The more you worry about it and the more you fear failure, the more your anxiety is going to short-circuit your arousal. It never does much good to tell someone to stop worrying... it's not an easy thing to do. However, this is the best "cure" for that fear of failure. Try to concentrate on the good feelings (not on your penis). Concentrate on your partner's body (not your penis). Conjure up sexual fantasies (and forget about your penis). Penises have a way of taking care of themselves when their owners get their heads out of the way. Become a master at giving pleasure with your hands and mouth. Concentrate on giving pleasure and your penis will eventually want some for itself.

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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