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Question:
Hi, My boyfriend and I are 17 both virgins soon and have been trying to have sex for about two months. Everytime we try, we have to stop because it hurts me terribly bad. He gets about two inches into me when I feel unbearable pain. We think it might be because I don't masturbate, or my hymen. What can I do to avoid the pain and finally have sex? Thank you!
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: ()
Thanks for writing in. I can definitely understand your concerns and frustrations. It's not at all uncommon to experience what you describe when first experiencing sexual intercourse. Assuming that everything is medically ok with your vagina, the first thing I suggest is that you stop trying so hard to have sex. The most important aspect of good sex is to allow yourself to be relaxed, so that you can become aroused. When you're tense or nervous, the vagina often tightens up. Being completely comfortable with what you're doing is essential to really experiencing sexual pleasure. Take the emphasis off penetration and keep it on pleasure. When you become aroused, your vagina will relax and get very wet. This will allow your vagina to accommodate a penis.
Unfortunately, most young women describe at least some discomfort when they have intercourse for the first time. If your hymen is intact, it may require a bit of pressure to break through it. What discomfort you may feel, however, quickly passes and gives way to pleasure. That's why it's so important to take your time and not rush things.
I'm also assuming that you're not quite accustomed to having things inserted into your vagina. You may want to consider going through a little process of getting used to different sized objects in your vagina until you feel comfortable with one the size of a penis. You can start with a finger, then 2, or even 3; at that point, you can buy a small vibrator or dildo and use that until you feel comfortable. Include it as part of your sex play. Your boyfriend could be doing other things while you are getting used to having something in your vagina (like stimulate your clitoris with his fingers or tongue, for one). Let yourselves share this discovery of pleasure, experiencing orgasms through ways other than intercourse. If you can do that, your first real intercourse will be something to remember fondly and will simply be one of many ways to pleasure each other.
I hope this was of some help to you. I wish you both all the best and much pleasure together.
Take care and be well. peace.
Larry SiegelReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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