There are several things you might do. You do understand that intercourse will just stretch the hymen as you are doing now, and it really doesn't break. Intercourse with a penis just pushes the hymen more open and to the side. Therefore, if you continue using fingers to stretch it out, it will get easier and her body will become more used to the pleasure sensation rather than any pain. Some young women find a similar reaction to when they use tampons. At first there seems to be pain in putting them in but as the skin gets used to the touching and they relax, the pain no longer continues.

Another thing you can do is make sure that you use lots of water based lubricant such as Astroglide or KY jelly. This allows the penis (and fingers) to slide past the skin more and the stretching is just not felt as much.

You can practice with fingers and the water-based lubricant for a long time before you ever have intercourse, so I urge you to continue enjoying this experience together.

I hope this has been helpful. First intercourse does not at all have to be painful, and in fact can be very pleasurable as long as the couple takes their time, and spends time getting the area used to touching.

Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.