Question:
I'm a 25 year old male and my fiance in 18 months younger to me. We have been engaged since the last 4 months and are getting married 15 days from now. We are both deeply in love with each other and are looking forward to enjoying sex too. We are both virgins.
My concern is specially regarding the "first intercourse". I've heard that the first experience is very painful for the girl, so I want to do everything possible to make it easier for her. I have planned to take things very slowly (i.e. have full intercourse only after having spent 10-15 days enjoying other lighter forms of sex and togetherness), lots of foreplay to really arouse her, lubricated condoms, lots of water based lubricants, and all my love and care. What I want to know is that whether this combination of efforts from my side is sufficient to make it a "good" experience for her. If not what else could I do for her as a concerned and caring husband? We discuss sex often and she is not "scared" of it as such.
Also, girls sometimes bleed during first intercourse. So, what do we do about the bleeding after the intercourse? Is there any requirement for dressing or bandage with antiseptic? And is the bleeding only during the first time, or does it happen a few times more?
Looking forward to a complete answer.
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Answer:
by Larry Siegel: (07/12/2004)
Hello and thanks for taking the time to write in. First, let me congratulate you both on your engagement. I also want to congratulate you for being so considerate of her experience and your desire to make it as wonderful as possible for her. Your efforts will indeed help make it a good experience for her. Being aware and considerate of her feelings and desires is, in my opinion, the very best thing a man could do to be a good husband. Just make sure to generalize those attributes to outside the bedroom as well.
It is true that many women experience a bit of pain during their first intercourse. However, it usually passes very quickly (a momentary flash) that often easily turns into pleasure, especially with a caring and gentle partner. The pain and bleeding occur due to having to break through a membrane called the hymen, that partially covers the opening to the vagina. people often put a towel underneath to make sure that the sheets don't get stained with spots of blood.
A few things to keep in mind:
1) it's not always painful and women don't always bleed. It is very common for women to never have had intercourse, yet their hymen breaks sometime during childhood (ie, playing sports, riding a bike, climbing trees or fences...);
2) the bleeding is not profuse (like if you ever had a bloody nose); it's usually just a little spotting;
3) no aftercare is needed in terms of bandages, dressings, or any other medical aid. Hugs, caresses, and lots of affection are the best prescriptions.
AS long as you both take your time and stay connected with each other throughout, you're both bound to have a very wonderful experience. The rest of your life together should always be as good!
I wish you both the very best. Take care and be well. Feel free to write again anytime if you have other questions or concerns (or if you want to let me know how things went!)
Larry SiegelReviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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