Well, after about a month, even though he confirmed that we were indeed in a growing relationship and that he cared for me, the sex between us disappeared. Initially I approached him and asked if he was 'bored' of me because I wanted to cut my losses quickly to avoid getting hurt. At that time I was still trying to judge the permanency of our relationship. He stated the opposite was true and even though I was happy over that fact we still did not make love and as the months went by even taking a shower with me became a hot topic for discussion. He explains it to me in this fashion and when he does I completely understand and want to be patient but when I try to tell someone else to get help I lose all perspective. He has said he doesn't believe in love per say and that he has come to accept that love is a biological function that perpetuates the species. He's sexually functional, I can attest to this. And he has gained a few pounds at work (they feed us too much), but he doesn't offer any of these as symptoms to his lack of desire.

Upon an appt to his asthma doctor, who asked him if he was over a prior relationship (a while ago I guess) and then my boyfriend went into the news about me, his negative views on love and the doctor smiled and agreed with him like it was some sort of disease that 30's men get when they haven't fallen in love by the time they reach 35 or so....My boyfriend accepts some sort of doom that he will never get married, or have children...and this really saddens me because I love him deeply, I have no other thoughts about finding someone else especially just because he won't have sex with me. There is no affair involved and I know he's depressed, has seen a counselor before about this a long time ago, yet he still feels this way.

I am physically and emotionally dried up somedays because I can't handle the pressure of loving him without return...and I have let him know I put him in control of 'us' sexually speaking so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. He knows this is very hard for me and yet even though I have tried to separate from him I feel we really do have the potential for a long term relationship, only I can't invest if he doesn't seem like he wants to get better. I am at a true loss. And even if he decides that I am not a person he'd want to spend the rest of his life with , I'd like to see him get better not for me but for himself. I guess I could suggest counseling again, but we're both very money tight because our careers are rollercoasters at first.

This problem is causing major distress for me. This is a man I could potentially see marrying were it not for this problem. Is there some period in a mans life where sex becomes completely unimportant? When? Why? And what can I do except be patient and supportive? Thanks for listening. I suppose we should seek out counseling together, but he feels 'normal' being this way.

The facts as described seem to require either some counseling at a clinic or maybe from a clergy member who is trained in this area, or making a decision to move on with your life. To stay where you and your partner are does not seem to be answering the important questions that you raised. Your partner may need time to face his feelings. You may not have that time since you say you are physically and emotionally dried up somedays because you can't handle the pressure of loving him without return. Nothing is guaranteed, and starting the relationship with these issues is not a good beginning.

Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team