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Question:
hi, ive been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years and the sex use to be great but for the past 6 months he would prefer to be on his own with a porn video and if i do finally get sex he never gets as hard as he use to. it is really getting me down i really love him but i have started to think that it is my fault, should i start acting like a porn star to turn him on

Answer:
by Patricia Fawver: (06/03/2005)
No, you shouldn't start acting like a porn star. In fact, you shouldn't start acting like anyone at all - other than your natural self. The best kind of sex occurs when people are being themselves - authentic,natural, and comfortable within their own erotic expression. What you can do is talk with your boyfriend about the the porno movies and find out what it is he's enjoying about them. It may be that there are specific activities or fantasies going on in the films that are particularly erotic to your boyfriend. Another thing you can do is to look at your own attitudes and feelings about sexually explicit materials. How do you feel about them? What do you like in porno films? Lots of women just take 'hand-me-down' porn (i.e., whatever their partner has laying around). They don't actively think about what they would enjoy and what would be sexually stimulating to them. So, how about you? What are your tastes and interests in erotic entertainment? What gets you really turned on? Sometimes we can surprise ourselves in this area because what turns out to be the hottest erotica isn't what we thought it might be. So, experiment with different types of films and find what's pleasurable for you. This could be a fun exploration process for the two of you to enjoy together. Women often shy away from sexually explicit forms of entertainment (porno movies, magazines, strip clubs, phone sex, internet images). My suggestion would be to actively pursue and discover what appeals erotically to you and then to incorporate that into your sexual experiences with your partner. Take care and have fun. Please write back if you have any further questions. Thanks, Patty Fawver

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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