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Question:
My husband and I have had a fine sex life since we have been together. However, lately he has not been able to reach orgasm. He can become erect and stay that way, but he says he doesn't feel anything and when he does reach orgasm it is not the same as before. We have been experiencing marital problems lately. Also, I we have a baby, and my husband is on medication for alergies and asthma. My question is what could this lack of orgasm be caused from? Anything from what I have mentioned? I am really worried, and blaming myself. I keep thinking that maybe I am too loose from after having our son, or maybe or problems have caused him to find me less attractive and not be able to reach orgasm. Please help.
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: (05/26/2004)
The first thing to do is to call a pharmacist as ask for every know side effect to the medications your husband is using. Start there to make sure the medications are not involved (and if they are, your husband should consult his doctor about alternative medications).
Typically, if relationship problems impact the sexual relationship the effect will show up as decreased frequency of sexual encounters and perhaps a decrease in sexual desire... not as an inability for the male to ejaculate. The same would be true if your husband finds your body unattractive. If he approaches you and gets a good erection, this is not about your general physical appearance.
True... vaginal openings need to stretch during childbirth, but unless there is significant trauma to the muscles surrounding the vaginal opening, everything will tighten up in time, especially if the woman is doing her Kegel Exercises on a regular basis. Let's not jump to the conclusion that you have become too loose.
I would like to know more about your husband's masturabatory behavior. I would guess he relied on masturbation during the final phases of your pregnancy (and this would be quite normal). However, if he had masturbated through most of the nine months and is masturbating now because he is not ejaculating with you, he might be conditioning himself to respond only to his own hard and fast manual stimulation. However, there is no way for me to know if this is what is happening.
Without knowing for sure why it has become difficult for your husband to ejaculate intravaginally, let me offer some general suggestions that should be shared.
First: Try to make your lovemaking fun again by taking the pressure off. Agree that orgasms are nice, but not necessary (unless you are wanting to conceive again). Get experimental. Try new things. Be playful and stop working so hard and worrying so much about his ejaculations. Making love should be about an intimate sharing of pleasure, not about who comes and how many times.
Second: Tell your husband NOT to masturbate if he is unable to ejaculate with you! This is not because masturbation is bad, it is just so that your husband's sexual appetite continues to build in between your encounters and so he doesn't become dependent of the firmer stroking men use when self-pleasuring.
Third: Experiment with a variety of positions of intercourse. If you husband does need a tighter sensation he might, for example, do better with the rear entry ("doggie style") position. With various positions, the feelings change but you will also introduce the element of novelty into your encounters.
Fourth: Continue with your Kegel exercises, but stop blamming yourself... or your husband. When things change, couple need to become creative... not critical.
If your husband is not being slowed by his medications, if the two of you can take the pressure off, if your husband abstains from all masturbation, if you continue with your "Kegels." and if you both become playfully experimental, I am confident this concern will go away. There is an interesting paradox in sex... sometimes the less you worry about something, the more likely it is to occur!Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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