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Question:
Hi. I'm a 27 year old male, married for 3 years. We have been trying to get pregnant for the past 4 or so months. The last time, during our last sexual encounter, I was unable to sustain an erection. Again, this past time, I was unable to sustain an erection during intercourse, however, in both cases, I was able to receive an erection during foreplay. I receive an erection during the night, and can receive an erection/ejaculation during masturbation.
This past time, I quickly moved to intercourse after oral sex, and was able to ejaculate. During intercourse since we have been trying to get pregnant, I have normally been on top (per request), but previously on bottom prior to us trying.
My question is, is this normal, or anything to worry about? Reading on this site and others, I find that performance anxiety seems to be common, but no matter how hard I try not to think about it, now, during sex, all I can think about is losing my erection. Any ideas?
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Answer:
by Megan Andelloux: (11/28/2005)
Sounds like your stressed about either getting pregnant, not getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant is taking the fun out of sex. Anyway you look at it, it's a psychological thing going on here. Meaning, you need to create a space in your mind that you relax in when your brain starts freaking out over whether or not your going to have an erection. Freaking out about posssibly not having an erection can actually cause a guy NOT to have one.
I would suggest chatting with your wife about your anxiety's - is the sex not fun for you anymore because it's too planned? Are you nervous because it's been 4 months and no pregnancy? Usually it takes 18 months before one becomes pregnant, so you are not behind schedule. Are you nervous because you don't want to get pregnant? Or, is it something simple like you like being on your back? For some guys, it can be that simple as switching back to the position that they liked better.
Anyway you look at it though, you should start talking to your wife about it/concerns/worries. It sounds like she is very supportive of you and wants to help you out with no judgement.
Good for you for experimenting with sexual behaviors to try to help this problem resolve itself. It sounds like it worked but if you worry too much about it, it will happen again.
Remember too, flaccid penis's are wonderful because they are so much fun to get aroused again! So, if gravity pulls you down midstroke, relax! and enjoy all the fabulous things she's going to do to get you hard again.
Good Luck and thanks for writing in!
Megan AndellouxReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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