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Question:
Hi. I wrote to you a while back concerning my boyfriend not being able to ejaculate in front of me or whenever we are together. He can still get an erection and we have wonderful sex but he still cannot let out the sperm. We tried what you suggested and that was to tell him to stop masterbating. He did. We tried for 3 weeks having sex every couple of days or so and he could not for the love of god let out his sperm. So I told him just go masterbate becuase he was in great pain and I felt really sorry for him. Like I said he can get and erection and we can have great sex, his penis gets quite big but he still cannot let go. We have tried everything in the books but we are very very frustrated can you help!
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: ()
Often the problem is that a man becomes used to the firm fast stroking of masturbation and has trouble ejaculating then with vaginal stimulation. Usually abstaining from masturbation helps. I am somewhat at a loss if he ejaculates easily with private masturbation and cannot ejaculate during intercourse.
Some might think it is his fear of intimacy or fear of commitment, but usually if a man is aroused and the stimulation is sufficient in time and intensity, he will ejaculate regardless of his fears. All I can recommend is that you experiment with various positions. Often when a man enters from behind ("doggie style") and the woman's head and upper body is down on the bed, there is a tighter feeling for the male.
If abstinence from masturbation and a variety of positions will not solve the problem, your friend should seek out the help of a qualified sex therapist. He should not let embarrassment prevent him from doing so, as this is apparently a problem that has caused you both great concern.
Editors note: Have you tried him masturbating in the same room with you rather than going off in the other room to 'finish up'? Patty Fawver, PhDReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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