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Question:
I am 26 years of age, male and from India. I have had my first sexual encounter at the age of 20. I had sex with my girl friend and I found that I ejaculate very quickly. The thing which worries me the most is that when I indulge in foreplay I don't get an erection. Instead I ejaculate without sufficient hardness of my penis. My penis increases in size and thickness but is not suffieciently
hard. Then when I have sex again after few hours the erection is better still not sufficient to penetrate and then I ejaculate. This has happened to me for a period of time with all my sexual encounters for the past 6 yrs. I consulted a homeopathy doctor recently and he said my nerves in the penis are not strong enough. He said this is due to excessive masturburation. I started masturbation at the age 20 and I am not a regular maturbator also. I went
through your website it says masturbation causes no harm. In fact this problem has occured before I started to masturbate in my life. But when I maturbate there is perfect erection but still I feel I ejaculate very early during masturbation also. I have tried the stop squeeze
technique also for some time but it has not
worked. Psychologically also I think I have no problems because I am not thinking of failure. I just try to focus on sex but I get excited very soon. Can that be the
cause? To be exact when my penis touches any part of the females body I ejaculate. Just foreplay does not give erection or ejaculation. When there is no erection I try to mastuburate expecting it to become hard as it happens when I am masturbating without a female next to me but the moment I touch it or try to put a condom on
it ejects. Can you please help me because I don't believe that homoepathic doctor. The more I focus on sex the more quickly I ejaculate. I have normal wet dreams, night erections and
day erections. Please help.
One more thing I find my penis thickness and length is not as much it should be for my age. When I am not wearing underwear it's lenght and thickness is ok but when i wear underwear it's thickness and length decreases. Is this a problem doctor?
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Answer:
by Rajendra Sathe: ()
What you have described may possibly be a combination of ‘Dhat’ syndrome and premature ejaculation, however we cannot make diagnoses online. Dribbling of a sticky substance during urination, more so while squatting in an Indian style WC, is called the dhat syndrome. This discharge is known to occur with or without erection of the penis.
Erection and premature ejaculation problems cause severe concern, distress, embarrassment and depression. Because you get good erections whilst
masturbating, one can assume that you do not have a physical problem that requires immediate medical attention. Remember that masturbation does not cause erection problems but intense guilt about masturbation can surely cause severe problems. Because you did not masturbate as a teenager, there is a possibility that you do have some doubts about its ‘dangerous’ effects.
Getting over these fears will be the first step in correcting your problem.
Premature ejaculation is a very common male problem. Many a time, it is due to lack of voluntary control of the ejaculation process rather than the amount of time (or lack thereof) that it makes a man to ejaculate prematurely. This problem is reported by men of all ages but is more common among younger men.
Ejaculation is a reflex and can't be controlled perfectly at all times but a man who has developed control can enjoy high levels of
sexual pleasure. Such men usually have a choice about when to ejaculate.
Premature ejaculation manifests itself in many ways, as do the erection difficulties. Like you, some men have very little control during
masturbation or partnered sex. Others have perfect control when masturbating alone but with a partner they are unable to control their ejaculation. A majority of men report that the problem occurs only during intercourse.
Premature ejaculation can occur due to a lack of knowledge, skill, or attention. Abstinence (going with out sex like masturbation or intercourse for a period of time) also is known to hamper control and increased number of coitus attempts (sexual intercourse) is known to naturally delay the ejaculatory response. Moreover, anxiety can cause a loss of ejaculatory control and is commonly seen in men who come quickly with new partners but they usually gain control as they get more comfortable.
Having both problems-- difficult to get erections and quick ejaculations with a partner, you may require proper counseling and therapy. Remember that many of the exercises for developing better control require an erection. Because you are able to get good erections alone, you need to work on
gaining ejaculatory control whilst masturbating alone. In fact some men confess that they learnt how to achieve ejaculatory control during
masturbation. This is learned behavior and you need do so in total privacy without stress or performance anxiety.
Practice masturbation and stimulate yourself sufficiently to get an erection. Then try to delay the ejaculatory response under conscious control. As you advance don't be afraid to try fantasies and erotic material. If you find this difficult to digest and practice please contact MARRI so that we can direct you to a sex counselor and therapist near your home. If you gain control and confidence during these personal masturbating workouts, you will have to introduce these practices in the presence of an understanding and stable partner. This is a slow and tedious process and success is possible only with persistence and patience.
Your concern about the length and thickness of the flaccid (non-erect) penis is unfounded. The penis is highly versatile as regards the size and can change its dimensions as quickly as a chameleon can change colors. Besides
the size of the penis is usually always a male concern- women are more influenced by the love, affection and understanding shown by the ‘owner’ of the penis.
With all this information, it seems like you probably just need more time to get to know yourself and your body before you are able to enjoy a happy and satisfying sexual relationship with your partner. The mantra is: explore sex
slowly-don't race into intercourse!
Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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