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Question:
I am a 20 year old male in excellent shape, and i have never really had trouble ejaculating when it comes to intercourse, masturbation, or oral. until last night that is. over the past two days my girlfriend and i have had intercourse two or three times, and last night we had oral sex together. there was no problem with her acheiving orgasm, but i never seemed to acheive it. she performed oral sex on me for a solid hour, and i got really close four times, and even felt my "precum" three or four times. but I never acheived ejaculation. the other strange thing was that i had never had oral sex that felt that good. One thing i think it may be linked to is that lately i have been holding in my urine for too long, and it takes a while to start my urine stream. Afterwards, i masturbated and i acheived ejaculation rather quickly. Any info or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My girlfriend is having a hard time, and she is not feeling adequate. I do not feel this way about her at all, and i would like to confirm to her that it isnt her performance that is lacking.
Thank you!
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: ()
Wait... did I miss something? Seems to me you reported "successful" encounters on a daily basis and then one "failure" to ejaculate... and your partner feels inadequate? My gosh, is that what sex is all about ... getting your partner off? What happened to intimacy... what happened to just having fun? This has nothing to do with her performance or your performance, this has to do with setting goals and focusing on the goal and not the process. Be careful. A goal orientation can lead to "performance anxiety," and that fear of failure can lead to bigger problems.
The obvious reason for you single "failure" was the frequency of ejaculations. You had lost some sensitivity and the sense of urgency during what is called the "refractory period." During this refractory period a man might get an erection. but he is unable to ejaculate. It is the time needed to recoup. If masturbation worked, it was because that was a firmer faster stimulation that the fellatio.
My best advice: Don't worry about sexual performance. Just enjoy a meaningful and sensual experience with a special lady, with or without orgasms. Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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