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Question:
hi, i'm a 29 years old male who's still virgin!! i've been masturbating since i was 14, i'm getting married so soon, but i think that my sex drive is not as it used to be, is there any way to increase it? can a certain type of food affect the sex drive substantially? and finally, does the size of penis matter to her enjoyment?
thanks in advance!
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: (06/01/2004)
First of all: Congratulations on getting married soon! I wish you both well.
Secondly, to answer your last questions whether penile size matters: Many men focus on the size of their penis and think that they are inadequate. If this applies to you, I have two very important messages to you:
1) Read the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld (1992) ISBN: 0-553-56259-2. Depending on where in this world you live, you can order it on-line from Amazon.com or probably from a local bookstore. One chapter is called “What is this thing called a penis?” where Dr. Zilbergeld thoroughly discusses different penis sizes. From my experience as a sex therapist I agree with his statement that most women are not even half as interested in penis size as men usually are. “..when I’ve pressed women to talk about smaller-than-average penises, several said the guys they knew who had such penises were terrific lovers….” I fully agree with Dr. Zilbergeld’s remark. Another chapter is titled “It’s two feet long, hard as steel, always ready, and will knock your socks off: The fantasy model of sex.” This chapter deals with several myths in the area of male sexuality, and it is worth reading.
2) My next point to you is as important. Sex is so much more than intercourse. Try not to focus so much on your penis. There is kissing, hugging, massages, foot rubs, and you can use your mouth, and your fingers to caress your partner’s different body parts. Most women and men enjoy this form for activity, and I am sure that you can provide your partner with much pleasure. Just try not to worry about the size of your penis. If you feel comfortable to do so you can include sex toys such as vibrators and dildos. Many couples use sex toys in their lovemaking, regardless of the size of the man’s penis. A good website for sex toys is www.goodvibrations.com.
Finally, masturbation is completely normal and a healthy sexual practice, unless the person is obsessed with this activity. The reason that your sex drive is lower than when you were 14 may have to do with that your age has doubled since those days. Young men get very easily sexually aroused and it is completely normal for this process to slow down a bit over the years. Typically, older men need more stimulation (mental as well as direct stimulation of their penises) to become sexually aroused. I am not considering you as being older; I am simply emphasizing a normal ageing process.
If you are nervous about loosing your virginity, I would also consider this to be completely normal. Who would not be? Try to relax as much as you can during your wedding night and try not to focus on having to perform. Remember, what I said about sex being more than intercourse? It often takes couples a while to get comfortable with each other, again this is completely normal. I can recommend reading Dr. Ghanem’s article at http://www.sexualhealth.com/fullstory.cfm?id=33.
Sincerely,
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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