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Question:
While I believe my fiance and I both fall within the normal size range, we both do not feel much during intercourse. I have had other partners who were larger and he has has other partners who were tighter so it is frustrating to both of us that our sizes don't match up well. He especially feels like he needs a tighter grip during intercourse. It's also frustrating when I get wet because we feel even less. Is there anything we can do so that we can overcome this? I have heard of Kegel exercises, but how long will it take for there to be any improvement? He has moved out and is ready to end an otherwise great relationship because the sex is so frustrating. Please help!
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Answer:
by Scott Gross: (07/02/2005)
Hi and thanks for your question. This is actually a rather tough question to answer. There are a number of things that you might try which I will get to, but I worry that this is causing a potential breakup in your relationship. I understand how important mutual sexual pleasure is in a relationship, but this is something that you can work through. Six years is a lot of time and effort to lose to what is otherwise a great relationship when there are still many things for you to do to respark your sex lives. Make sure that you keep talking and sharing your concerns and ideas together because that communication is what will get you through this.
You mentioned that you've already tried doggy-style which is a good position to try for this problem. Some others you might try would be woman on top, side-entry (woman lays on her side and the man enters her vagina from the rear/side), and any others that you can think of that will change the angle at which you two meet. Plain thrusting and penetration is not the most pleasurable forms of sex for either men or women. Not only can you try changing positions, but you can also try adding extra pressure and motion in some of your favorite positions. For instance,in missionary position, instead of just thrusting, have your partner push and rub up against your vulva. This will give you clitoral stimulation, while allowing him to rub his penis against the walls of your vagina. I would also suggest using a variety of toys and slowing down to take pleasure in each others' bodies. Massage each other, try oral sex, using your hands on each others' genitals, and mutual masturbation. Over time it can be difficult to keep sex fresh and new, but use your imaginations. When you are both working together and communicating then you can't go wrong.
You asked about kegel exercises, and that is another great option. It may take a few weeks or months for you to see noticeable results. It is much like going to the gym and working on building muscle. You're working to build up the strength of your vaginal muscles and it may take some time. You will notice more sensation and stronger orgasms for your efforts.
I really wish you the best. There are a large number of really great books out there that you might look into for help and inspiration (Try "The Big Bang" by the authors of Nerve.com for a contemporary look at sex), and I hope you can work this out. If the rest of your relationship is working well then work on your sex problem with the same gusto and you'll figure it out. If you need any other help or have other questions please don't hesitate to ask us.
Take care,
Scott GrossReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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