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Question:
My first experience with intercourse was traumatic. I was 16 and my girlfriend announced one month before my 17th birthday that she had decided what to give me for my present. Her virginity and mine. I paniced silently for a month despite having very pleasant erotic experiences with her with with oral sex and other non-intercourse moments of intimacy. Our first 3 attempts spanning a month, I was impotent. We subsequently went on to have mutually fulfilling intercourse for a year without any dysfunction. However, after that initial experience with impotence and panic level anxiety, I had other sexual encounters where I experience panic and failed to get an erection. I'm 34 and put alot of that behind me, but I'm about to leave a 13 year committed relationship where we have had a healthy
sexual life, in part because I still have the desire to have more healthy and healing sexual experiences to free myself from that initial experience of panic and impotency and from the ongoing impact on my self esteem.
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: (05/28/2004)
My guess is that your "traumatic" first intercourse experience did not cause your anxiety but the other way around. Your anxiety caused the erectile difficulties. It is that same performance anxiety that pleagues you now. If you are heading out looking for new experiences, go slow. It is clear that you put a lot of pressure on yourself and you need to give yourself a lot of time to ease into a sexual encounter. The harder you try, the more likely it is you will fail.
I would suggest that you talk with a qualified sex therapist about ways to become comfortable with new sexual opportunities. It is hard to deal with anxiety on your own, but a therapist can help you develop a workable strategy.Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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