Register to join our community
|
|
Question:
My boyfriend kindly recommended that I get some pointers to improve my oral sex skills. Are there any specific ones that you know of? Thank you!
|
Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (06/06/2004)
As I read your history provided with this question, I was struck by the fact that you struggle with depression, stress disorders such as colitis and also find sex not very pleasurable, with low sex desire, tied in with poor body image issues. Here you are asking for pointers on oral sex because your boyfriend recommended that you needed help. I hope you don't mind if I make some observations before answering your direct question.
Sex, and enjoyment of, is a two way street. I realize that our culture puts a lot of pressure on women to look perfect, to be beautiful, to maintain wonderful relationships, to make our partner happy but all of this is at our expense. Look at what you have lost and are losing because you continue to let others dictate to you what you need to do. What about your sexual pleasure? What can your partner do for you to make sure that you have the best pleasure in your relationship? It may mean that the sex part is not high on your list but there are many other pleasures that a person gains in a relationship. Maybe you would want him to be more tender and affectionate in your guiet moments together. Maybe you would enjoy a massage that isn't sex related.
I don't know what you look like and it really doesn't matter. What I DO recognize is that by 20 years of age you are feeling so poorly about yourself that you have little sex desire for yourself, yet someone else wants you to develop better oral sex skills and you are willing to reach out to make it better for him. Sure, it may make it better for you because then you will feel good that he is getting his pleasure, but what about your pleasure? Is pleasing him enough for you? Wouldn't it be wonderful to feel valued because you are a really neat person? I think you are a neat person because you value your relationship with your boyfriend, you want him to be happy and you are willing to search out ways to make him happy. I hope that you also feel good about who you are and that you feel deserving to have someone do the same for you.
If it isn't oral sex skills, maybe there are other demands on you to be better. What about being YOU, and people accepting you just as you are? Isn't that good enough? I sure think it is.
As for oral sex, your boyfriend can also be helpful by telling you what he likes. AND then you have to determine if it is something you are willing to do. Not everyone enjoys oral sex, and therefore if it isn't something you enjoy doing, you may need to consider doing what feels OK to you. There are several books out there that give you lots of ideas. You can go into almost any large book store and find books on Oral sex techniques. There is also a wonderful on line book store at www.goodvibrations.org that has some books that you may want to peruse. You may also want to look at their other sections, like the one on vibrators which can be used to enhance pleasure on many females. Vibrators can be used all by yourself with no pressure from a partner.
I hope that you will ask your boyfriend to give you the pointers if he has suggestions that he thinks will make the oral sex better for him, and that you can then be asked by him what kind of pleasures would feel good to you!Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
|
This question appears in the following topics:
|
|
|
|
