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Question:
hi, This question is not about me but my girlfriend. We have been having sex for about 6 months and have been going out for a year and in that time I have not been able to give her an orgasm and being her first boyfriend i feel responsible and very pathetic. we are both in our late teens (I'm 19 turning 20)and she has only ever had an orgasm once from oral stimulation and I can't get her to orgasm like that again either. This problem has placed a lot of strain on our relationship and she does not feel like having sex anymore because of this. I have tried everything and when I get her close to acheiving it she says that the sensation goes away is there a problem in the way I am stimulating her clitoris (inconsistently) or a problem with her, she gets very wet sometimes and if I continue for to long she says it hurts and makes me stop help me.
kind regards
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
I don't know whether this is helpful to you or not, but this is a common situation for couples. Finding ways to give one another pleasure is part of the lure and joy of engaging in sexual behavior. I understand that you both would love to have orgasms every time but sometimes that just isn't possible. There are too many emotional issues as well as physical ones that can keep an orgasm from occuring, BUT it doesn't mean you can't enjoy the sex play and intimacy you share.
First, since it is an ongoing issue over a long period of time I suspect her emotional state is one that prohibits relaxation enough for an orgasm to occur. If you fear something isn't going to happen, it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy. What you need to do together is set your expectations lower - and not work so hard at the orgasm.
Another thing that you said in your profile above is that you find that the clitoris disappears and then you can't find it to stimulate it. It is supposed to disappear because the small area of the clitoris carries ALL the same amount of nerve endings that your penis does. That means that too direct of stimulation can cause it to hurt instead of feel pleasure. You may need to stimulate her with a towel or even clothes on, since it may be making it more painful rather than pleasurable.
You mentioned using a vibrator in your profile, and maybe if she used the vibrator on herself (with a towel over the area so it isn't too direct until she needs more direct contact) she could figure out what feels good in body positioning and pressure of touching to her. It sounds from your description that she is aroused, just not over the peak to orgasm. Many women need to figure it out for themselves so they can share it with the partner.
I don't know if ulceriative colitis affects orgasm directly but the cause of the colitis may also be involved in the lack of orgasm. If she is a worrier, or someone who responds negatively to stress, it may also affect her ability to really let go and have the orgasm. Orgasm is the release of control, and people who need to be in control sometimes have more difficulty letting it happen.
Hopefully something I've said will be of help to you!Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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