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Question:
My boyfriend takes forever to ejaculate, if at all. He does not have a problem ejaculating with oral sex and I suspect that there is not enough "friction" during regular intercourse. He says that it is not a problem for him and he just wants to please me but I don't feel that it is fair for him. Sex sometimes feels like hard work rather than fun. I have found information regarding this which seems pretty useful but I don't know how to approach him on the subject without hurting his feelings, the few times that I have brought up the subject, he has just clamed up and refuses to speak about it other than saying that it is not a problem for him and so it should not be a problem for me since I am being "pleased."
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Answer:
by Robert Birch: (05/15/2004)
It seems that some men have no problem ejaculating with intercourse, but are unable to with oral stimulation. For others, like your partner, the reverse is true. It may certainly be, as you have suggested, that during intercourse there is not enough friction for him. It also sounds (if I read a little between the lines) that intercourse become uninteresting to you after a reasonable amount of time. You said he believes he is pleasuring you with this prolonged thrusting, and it sounds like it often feels more like work than like fun. While some women would enjoy prolong intercourse, others lose interest. Your clitoris, not your vagina, is the most sensitive area of your genitals.
It may help (if he will agree) to decrease the frequency of his ejaculations so that he is more excited and sensitive when the two of you do get together. If you have not done so, experiment with positions. Some men can ejaculate easier in the rear entry position (you on your knees, but drop the front part of your body down onto the bed and rotate your pelvis up). What you want to try to do in this position is push your pelvic bone up against the underside of your partner's penis as he slides. His feeling of a tighter grip might speed him up a bit.
The bottom line, however, is that you must tell him if you are getting bored. If sex begins to feel more negative than positive, you will eventually be reluctant to start. You have got to talk to him about what works best for you, and together you will need to experiment to see what will speed him up.
Good luck.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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