I am especially concerned about pregnancy and birth control, even though I have no significant other at this time and won't really have to worry about these concerns until I do. I get sick during my periods (I have horrible cramps, problems with my seizures, etc.) and I have tactile defensiveness, so I am concerned I would have a lot of difficulty during pregnancy. (Also, there is the issue of passing on the gene(s) responsible for autism to my children, especially since both sides of my family have autistic traits.) With this in mind, I am also curious about birth control: birth control pills would probably screw up my hormones and make me sick, and condoms, etc. can break or fall apart.

Lastly, I am also nervous that having sex in general will screw up my hormones and/or cause me to have a seizure (I have had epilepsy since age 16), especially since I get sick during periods and have not yet masturbated to orgasm. However, the reason why I am wondering about birth control is that it's possible that I might find non-autistic people who are willing to be a partner, but I don't know if many of them are willing to endure a sexless marriage.

You raise some very real, and understandable concerns. You raise a number of overlapping issues, and I will address them individually.

Firstly, there is a wealth of information about sex and sexuality - some wonderful books out now. I have found that both myself and my children could understand the 'process' of something if we could read, and re-read about it. Some of these wonderful books have explicit graphical images as well, so understanding the mechanics is made much simpler.

It is probably wise to experiment with the contracptive pill BEFORE you become sexually active, particularly as one problem with ASD is the paradooxical effect drugs can have on one's system. Added to that, is the difficulty in finding what hormone combination is best for you, your age group, your lifestyle. So take the opportunity to experiement with that, without having any fears of pregnancy symptoms - which the pill can mimic, adding to your anxiety levels!

The right contraceptive pill will also have a beneficial effect in controlling your cycle, so you effectively become period-free - but advised to go off the pill every 6months-5 years (depends on the fashion, the pill and the doctor) to allow a full period. There are many other forms of contraception aside from the pill including injections, patches, implants and hormone-releasing (Intra-Uterine Devices) IUD's etc.

I'm not sure I follow your train of thought with the tactile defensiveness and pregnancy? Are you meaning you are worried by all the neccessary ante-natal examinations and care?

There will be a risk of passing on autism to any children you may have, but what sort of genetic risk, that or any other factor in your family will have (like diabetes, heart disease etc) can only be determined by a medical professional like a geneticist.

Sex involves your own sexuality and your own sexual relationship with yourself. I think it is wise to become familiar with your own body and what feels good, before becoming intimate with another person.

Becoming intimate is a big leap of faith for many ASD folk. Rejection is a part and parcel of intimacy, but many ASD folk do not comprehend this factor, so when inevitable rebuff or rejection does occur, it can be mortally wounding and taken personally.

Making friendships and becoming intimate (there are many levels of closeness and intimacy - from being 'close' to a parent or girlfriend, to being sexual with a partner) with people of both genders is a learned skill, that needs frequent polishing, and constant work.

If you focus on FRIENDSHIP and let trust develop, then the sharing of yourself - who you are as a feeling, caring and loving person - is the first step in emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy can follow - but as an autistic person you need to be clear in communicating your boundaries, and your rules, otherwise other people do not know them and can easily violate them.

If you look at it as a series of small steps, rather than a giant leap, you can get there, to a happy rewarding (and sexual) relationship, within your comfort zone, with someone who understands and knows you, and loves you for who you are. Autism can be a special gift, not a handicap. Don't let the fact you have autism stop you from forming loving relationships, you just need to approach them a different way.

Good Luck and Best Wishes Melissa BEE

Reviewed by: Scott Gross M. Ed.