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Question:
I am 23 years old and have had several sexual partners. I have never particularly enjoyed intercouse but this could be due to the brief nature of the encounters. I have been in a loving and sexually active relationship for 14 months now and I still have not achieved orgasm. I have tried completely letting go but I just don't seem to be able to get there. I love my partner dearly but my sex drive seems to be pretty low due to the lack of pleasure. I have tried masturbation and while I get a stiff feeling throughout my body, it never seems to release into orgasm. If I then carry on it is painful. I would really love to have a healthy desire for sex as my partner is good looking, patient and unselfish. Is there anything I can do or is there any medical explanation???
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Answer:
by Annette Owens: (05/29/2004)
Thank you for contacting The Sexual Health Network. First of all, I can recommend reading the information on our page about orgasm (see channels on left) and "20 Helpful Hints to Reach Orgasm" by Cynthia Lief Ruberg (see links on side of this page).
Second, I would encourage you to try to reduce your focus on orgasm. The more relaxed you are the better, and the more likely it will be that you have an orgasm. Do not masturbate only because you want to achieve an orgasm, and until it hurts. Do it because it feels good. Try to explore different touches around your vagina and clitoris. Find out, what you like and what exactly feels good, and what doesn't. Be sure to explore the whole area and do not only focus directly on your clitoris. It is such a sensitive organ, that too much direct stimulation will hurt. I can highly recommend a video called "Celebrating Orgasm" by Betty Dodson. It shows examples of women reaching orgasm and I think that it provides some great instructions and hints. You can buy the video through Good Vibrations at www.GoodVibes.com. Betty Dodson has a website called www.bettydodson.com. You may want to watch this video together with your boyfriend. Men often learn a lot about women when seeing this video.
Finally, explore what feels good and what doesn't together with your boyfriend. Sex is more than just trying to reach orgasm. Find ways to have fun together in bed or wherever you want to be. Find out what you each like, and remember that we all have an entire body that can be stimulated in various ways – not only genitals.
I hope that I have given you some ideas for starters. Please do not hesitate to contact me again, if you have any further questions.
All the best,
Annette Owens, MD PhD
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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