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Question:
Two questions for you:
1) Last night, I was using my fingers to massage my girlfriend's vagina and clitoris and various speeds. At one point, I was moving quickly along her clitoris and she became very vocal. Finally, she moved my hand away and hugged me, out of breath, for what seemed like forever. She explained that it had felt so good that she didn't think she could take anymore. When I asked, she told me that she had not orgasmed and didn't know if she had EVER orgasmed. How is it that a girl can not know if she's orgasmed or not? Also, how can I help her to achieve one (or more)?
2) My girlfriend and I are both virgins. We're madly in love with each other, though, and know that someday, we'll both be ready to make love. My concern with that is that I don't want to hurt her! She admits to feeling mild discomfort when I use one finger in her vagina, and using two fingers is pushing it. What can I expect from her on our first time, and how can I avoid hurting her (if that's at all possible when losing your virginity)?
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Because of the personal nature of these questions, I especially appreciate your advice and your professionalism in the matter. Thanks again!
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Answer:
by Sandra L. Caron: ()
In terms of your first question: What you describe is fairly common. A woman may feel extrememly turned on - but direct stimulation of her clitoris leads to discomfort - to the point where she asks you to stop. I think the key will be for her to discover for herself what feels good (via masturbation) - and then show you. If she could spend time touching her genitals and exploring for herself, this may help her figure out what feels best. A vibrator may also be useful in identifying what feels good and leads her to orgasm. For many women, it is a matter of stimulating the clitoral area, then backing off and stimulating around the area, and then closer to the clitoris. I am sure that with open discussion, you two can figure out what works best.
In terms of your second question: There can be discomfort with first intercourse if she is tense and not lubricated, as well as if she is not used to having anything inserted into her vagina. So it will be important that she feel comfortable and ready for intercourse, and be lubricated. In addition, she could try gently stretching around the opening to the vagina - as well as continuing to incorporate your finger insertions. Again, be sure there is appropriate lubrication. Best wishes. Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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