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Question:
I'm nineteen years old and sexually active. I have never experienced an orgasm. I have tried masterbation, sex toys, etc. but still have never even come close to climax. I have very little clitoral/deep vaginal sensation. Touching myself by masterbation feels just like touching my face or arm. It doesn't feel bad, but it doesn't feel good either. And I seriously doubt I have a "G" spot. I don't have low drive, I love having sex, but I get no physical pleasure out of it. Could I have a serious problem, like clitoral nerve damage or something? I take no medications that could effect sensation. Should I talk to my gyno about it, or a sex therapist?
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Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: ()
It seems to me that you have tried many things to create an orgasm for yourself, and it is great that you are also trying to reassure your boyfriend that it isn't all his fault.
It isn't ALL your fault either and you just haven't figured out yet what will do it. There are certainly huge differences in bodies and the number of nerve endings that provide stimulation, so you could have a difference here.
I suspect that you just haven't figured out yet what will create the orgasm. You mentioned that you don't get physical pleasure out of having sex. You may not have an orgasm but are there other pleasures that you enjoy that accompany it? Too often the "goal" or focus becomes orgasm and people then miss all the other parts that are so pleasant.
I would suggest several things to you. First, don't fake the orgasm with your boyfriend. Talk with him honestly and work toward enjoying what the physical and emotional pleasures of having sex are.
Try not to make orgasm the goal, since it sets you up for failure and disappointment.
I would suggest that you might want to try getting a vibrator, which is sometimes called a massager. You may be like many women and you need more direct stimulation of the clitoris. A sex toy that goes inside the vagina is not likely to be of any help. Many women don't have or can't stimulate the G spot because where the real pleasure center for them is, is the clitoris. In fact many women don't even have an orgasm in intercourse.
IF you go to the website Good Vibrations you will see an array of vibrators there that can be used by you alone or with your partner (I would suggest you try it alone first)and work to give yourself more direct stimulation. You can play with it, move your body toward it and really find how to stimulate the pleasure center.
I would get the strongest of the vibrators that they recommend. You don't need one that goes inside, but one that is used primarily on the outside.
Hopefully, this will help you some, and I would also ask both a gynecologist (if he/she seems comfortable talking about sex) to look to see if there is anything that can be observed externally that may prevent an orgasm AND a sex therapist to give you some help. Those are both good suggestions.
Please feel free and write back if you have more questions.Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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