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Question:
I have had sex with my ex-boyfriend quite alot while we dated...but I was never able to reach orgasm.I've even had problems with oral and also when I'm alone.I'm with a new guy and we are talking about "taking it further," I'm afraid I won't be able to orgasm yet again, and I really want to do this for me as well.How can I reach orgasm or find out why I can't orgasm?
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Answer:
by Scott Gross: (04/13/2006)
Hi and thanks for your question. Anorgasmia (or the lack of orgasm) is a pretty serious issue that a lot of women face. There are a number of possible causes, but the most common is lack of proper stimulation. For most women, intercourse does not provide enough stimulation to bring them to orgasm. Stimulation of the clitoris is often required for a woman to have an orgasm and most penile-vaginal intercourse positions don't provide that stimulation.
However, there is hope. You menitoned that you also couldn't orgasm when masturbating. Have you tried a vibrator? Vibrators can offer large amounts of stimulation and many can be found online at www.drugstore.com for a decent price. You can also try www.goodvibrations.com. I would also recommend visiting a local book store and browsing their selection of books on sexuality and masturbation. They may offer some other suggestions as well. Remember that vibrators can be used for both masturbation and during intercourse with a partner.
Muscle tension is also essential to orgasm. Relaxation can help to quiet your mind and help you to focus yourself on the pleasure you are experiencing, but also try tensing the other muscles in your body during masturbation and see if that helps. Orgasm is the sudden release of that muscle tension and clenching your own muscles might help to bring that orgasm on.
I wish you good luck and hope that you're able to find some other printed resources that will help you overcome this anorgasmia. Remember that talking to a physician or counselor that you trust can also open up other avenues that might help.
Take Care,
M. Scott GrossReviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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