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Question:
i want to know what i can do to "get in the mood" when my husband is. I fantasize and masterbait but when he's ready i'm not, never, i love him very much but it just is not there, this has also happened before with other men.
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Answer:
by Linda Mona: (05/18/2004)
Hi Kathy!
Sounds like it has been a difficult time for you in terms of sexually-related issues. Looking at the information that you provided, seems like there are a couple of things for you to think about.
Having difficulties with sexual desire is a common problem and it is one that can be quite frustrating.
First, i would start to think about how long you have felt this way. have you always had little interest in sex or is this a more recent feeling? these are important questions to ask yourself in order to determine what may be the causes in your low desire. For example, some of the medications that you are taking right now may be contributing to your difficulties.
Our sexual desire can be affected by many things. changes in desire are usually associated with physical/hormonal changes and/or psychological distress. Changes in hormonal levels can be affected by age and/or medical conditions. Sexual desire can also be affected greatly by our psychological well-being. Feelings of sadness, depression, stress, and anxiety can definitely decrease our interest in the bedroom!
Here are some thoughts on how to start to tackle this issue . First, make an appointment with your gynecologist to rule out any medical problems or changes in your levels of hormones. It can be hard to bring up this topic with your doctor but remember, he/she hears this type of discussion quite frequently. Second, think about what things may have happened in your life around the time that your desire began to decrease. See if you can link it to any type of sad or anxiety provoking event. Also, see if there are times when the desire seems to be more apparent than others. Try doing things that have made you feel sexy in the past (e.g., wearing sexy clothes, using perfume, lighting candles) and see if this puts you in the mood. Sometimes small changes in our behavior can help swing us back into feeling sexy again. The point of these exercises is to start to get in touch with your thoughts and feelings around your sexuality. Third, have a discussion with the doctor prescribing the Paxil. See if there is another drug that you can try that may have less sexual side effects. Fourth, you may want to consider seeing a sex therapist or counselor for a few sessions to begin working through any issues that may come up for you. This will help you get “back on track” to rediscovering the sexual person that you are!
Good luck!
Dr. Mona
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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