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Question:
I have been married for 5 years now, have had 3 kids. For the first year and a half my husband and I where very active in bed. I actually had a higher sex drive than my husband. But shortely after the birth of my secons child, my sex drive went down to nill. Should let you know that was also the time I started taking the birthcontroll pill. I know it is normal to not have a very high sex drive after having kids. But does it ever come back? My husband is getting very frustrated with me and thinks that I don't love him and that he is not attractive to me anymore. Which is not true.I love him very much and have told him this over and over again. This is putting a great strain and akwardness on my marriage. Can you help me please?
Unhappy
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Answer:
by Raven James: (05/31/2006)
Hello. From what you have described, it sounds like a combination of issues may be contributing to the decreased sex drive you have been experiencing. First, as you are aware of, the demands of childbirth and rearing young children can take a lot of energy from you. You also mention taking Zoloft, an anti-depressant, which is also known for decreasing libido or sex drive. How long have you been on Zoloft? What are the reasons you are taking the anti-depressant? Depression in general can affect a person's sex drive, but adding a medication that also affects sex drive can worsen the situation. Are you in any counseling in conjunction with your depression? Sometimes, just taking a medication can help provide relief from symptoms, but not addressing the reasons for depression does not resolve the issues.
Birth control pills are hormone-based medications which can be known to affect sex drive, depending on other health conditions and medications. Use of the pill can be related to emotional changes. Some women see a correlation between their moods and the use of the pill. Depression might increase or decrease from the influence of oral contraceptives. If you suspect your depression is pill-related you could speak with your doctor about trying another type of pill and observe if there are any differences in your libido.
I would recommned that you speak with a doctor regarding your depression, medications and decreased desire. They may be able to help you best pinpoint the areas you should focus on for the next step. Counsleing may also help you find effective ways to discuss the issue with your husband so as to ease his mind and look for other ways you both can get your needs met. Good luck and hang in there!Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology
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