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Question:
My wife and I have been married for 21 years. The
past four months my wife says she has lost her sexual
desire, although we had sex in the last month and I
brought her to orgasm. She is 43. I don't think it is the
start of menopause because she is too young. She says she
is feeling depressed and having mood swings.
Her lost desire has been causing problems and tension
within our marriage. I talked to her about getting help for
this problem, but she does not want to. I don't know what
to do. How can I do to handle the situation?
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Answer:
by Joy Davidson: ()
You've stated that your wife is depressed, which would
certainly account for her loss of libido. Appetites (sexual
and otherwise), sleep patterns and concentration can all be
impaired by depression. However, clinical depression is a
serious condition which should never be diagnosed or
treated by husbands, lovers, friends--or advice columnists.
Your wife should see a professional in person. You can
encourage her to do so while offering support in the form
of patience, understanding, affection, and
acknowledgement that your priority is her emotional
well-being--not your own sex life.
Consider the possibility that tensions within your
marriage have led to your wife’s depression and loss of
interest in sex, not the other way around. Separating the
chicken from the egg here is the job of a pro. If your wife
won’t see someone by herself, offer to go with her. You
might be surprised and benefited by the outcome.
And just to complicate matters further, be aware that
43 is not too young to experience the onset of mid-life
hormonal changes. The transition is a process, not an
event -- and it can take up to ten years. During the first
phase, known as "perimenopause", women begin to
experience an array of marked symptoms that can include
irregular periods, mood swings, dips in sexual desire, hot
flashes, vaginal dryness and sleeplessness. There are as
many ways to cope with these changes as there are
approaches to medicine. Options include herbs, vitamins,
hormones, exercise, meditation, and diet. If you’d like to
learn more, pick up “No, It's Not Hot in Here: A Husbands
Guide to Understanding Menopause” by Dick Roth.Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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