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Question:
Hi, Thanks for reading my question, I have recently starting fingering my girlfriend and at first through clitoral stimulation, which for the first few times, worked fine, and she reached climax fairly easily, however recently it has become increasingly harder to make her reach climax even through trying new things such as oral sex, to the point where i can't actually make her orgasm and haven't done the past few previous attempts, I find this quite flustrating as I want to make her happy and don't feel right letting her masturbate me. I've not had a great dela of experience with girls and i'm not really sure what to do, however it seems weird that I could do it at first, but not anymore. Also, when I tried entering her vagina with my finger, she complained about it hurting and we've tried it a few times, but it still hurts, even tho i'm really gentle, as i obviously don't want to hurt her. If it hurts for me to finger her vagina, it would obviously hurt her when we have sex, we have tried using lubricants but shes quite wet anyway so they didn't make much different, how are we ever goin to have sex?! thanks very much for your help

Answer:
by Gale Golden:
(01/31/2006)
Hi: There seem to be two things you are concerned about: your girlfriend is not having an orgasm reliably and she has some pain in her vagina when you attempt to enter her with your fingers. Women do not necessarily have an orgasm each time they have sex and the newness of the first time may have been highly erotic so she had an orgasm. Then the pain became a problem, and that is very likely to inhibit the pleasure, so orgasm will be diminished or disappear.If something hurts, that takes precedence over everything else. It needs some professional attention, to at the very least, reassure her about why there is pain and have it cared for. As for you, while it is kind of you to want her to have the pleasure from orgasm that you do, she is unique and will experience the pleasure from sex ( when the pain is taken care of) in her own way. Sometimes it takes some experience for a woman to have an orgasm reliably. So relax about this and get her to see a doctor who can reassure her about the pain and take care of it.

Reviewed by: Patricia Fawver Ph.D. in Sexology

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