Answer:
by Konstance McCaffree: (05/28/2004)
Thank you for repeating your question for me. You describe that you cannot achieve an orgasm during sex, but can during masturbation. What you didn't say is whether this is something new, or if this is a pattern that you and your partner have always had.
I am going to answer this question as if it is something new, due to the move and the stress you describe. If it is something you have experienced with your partner through much of the relationship my answer would be different.
All the things you mention will certainly make it difficult to have an orgasm during sex. The stress in your life related to your move and other things is going to lessen your ability to reach orgasm with a partner. The reason it doesn't during masturbation is that you can then focus totally on yourself and find the pleasure points that you need in order to have the arousal and climax. When with a partner, you will have less attention to yourself, and may be unable to get in the positions, the touching that you need. You and your partner can have lots of love as you describe, yet the act of intercourse to orgasm is often about technique, especially when the body is being consumed with other tensions and worry.
As you life settles in to a more relaxing one, you can then spend more time talking with each other about what you need when having intercourse, spending more time in it and even showing your partner what you do in masturbation that allows you to climax and doesn't happen as well in intercourse together.
This is something that happens to so many women. It is actually one of the most common complaints we get from women through out a lifetime. They can have orgasms with masturbation, just not with a partner.
Thanks for writing and feel free to ask more questions as you have them.
Reviewed by Sexual Health Editorial Team
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