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Question:
Me and my Husband have been married for 2 years, and my daughter is almost 2. Ever since my daughter has been born I have lost all of my sex drive. I love my partner with all of my heart but I am just not interested in sex. Sometimes I do just to shut him up. I know it is fustrating for him, but it is more for me. Things that used to get me aroused now turn my stomach. This is putting a great stress on my relationship. He wants to try sex toys and soft porn, but I am not and I have never been into that. It wouldn't be so bad for me but he tells his friends, and one had the nerve to ask me " Why wasn't giving him any" I am hurting physcially and emotionally, please help me

Answer:
by Melissa BEE: (06/05/2004)
Firstly be reassured, that it is quite normal for many women to lose interest in sex, initially after the birth of a child, both for physical and emotional reasons, and where it is the first child, a complete restructure of roles. You are no longer a couple, you are a family, with responsibilities and new roles. Mothers are seen as nurturers and carers and so can throw everything into their new role as mother, especially if thy have given up a career to be 'Mom'. However after a few weeks or months, when the body has returned to normal and everyone has settled into the new roles and routines, it is generally anticipated that sexual and intimate relations as they once were, should be being resumed. This may or may not involve intercourse. But it does involve touching and intimacy. If you are unable to resume an intimate relationship with your husband you may need to look at underlying causes. If the marriage is otherwise happy then there could be a physical cause, such as a deficiency in the female hormone estrogen. So it may be wise to see your gynaecologist. He or she may even suggest you go off the Depo Provera (which is Progesterone only) and try the Combined Contraceptive Pill, so that you are getting more estrogen, which in turn may help to boost your sex drive. If you return a normal hormone screen and the doc feels no need to change your contraceptive method, some sexual counselling either individually (or as a couple) could be very beneficial. Best wishes, Melissa BEE

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