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Question:
Dear Dr. Kat,
I'm six weeks pregnant and I'm pretty sure I want to have an abortion. I'm concerned because I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend. A couple of other friends know but my family doesn't - I'm nineteen years old. Anyway, I think he'll freak out. He's twenty-five and talks about getting married and having kids all the time - we've been together two years. He's a really good guy but I feel like I'm too young to get married and have kids. I know he'll lay a huge guilt trip on me and threaten to tell my parents too. If they find out I'm pretty sure they'll cut me off financially. He's Christian and against abortion; he's already told me about all of the physical dangers involved in the procedure and how and how morally wrong he thinks it is. I feel like I'm running out of time because I feel like he deserves to know and I keep putting it off (it's been two weeks already). Please help!
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Answer:
by Kathleen VanKirk: (10/07/2005)
First off you should know that you do have a little time to figure this out. I know you probably feel six weeks is far along but most facilities won't even do an abortion procedure until you're seven to eight weeks. The pregnancy is so small at this point that it can be "missed" if the practitioner isn't careful. However, I would suggest getting an appointment before you get too close to twelve weeks. You can always cancel it if need be.
Telling your boyfriend is the best-case scenario. I do agree that he does deserve to know. However, only you can be the judge of the type of fall out that might result. There are consequences to all behaviors (as I'm sure you've noticed). If you can live with the decision to not tell him, I suggest that you be very comfortable with the idea. I'm not clear if you plan on staying with him or not. Maybe you're decision about that would influence whether or not you would tell him. It concerns me that you believe he would wreak such havoc on your personal life if he knew. Ultimately, perhaps you should ask yourself whether you'd want to be with someone like that at all. His job as your partner is to support you emotionally through this process. I understand his belief system is at odds with your decision, but healthy couples work as a team. It would be different if you weren't sure that you wanted an abortion but it sounds like you've made the decision and now just need to figure out how it's going to impact your personal life. My main concern would be that you don't do anything you might regret for the rest of your life -- whether it's having the abortion or telling your boyfriend.
I would also suggest you talk to a pregnancy counselor at the facility where you are considering having the procedure. They can go through the specifics about how they perform it there. For the most part the abortion it self is considered one of the most perfected medical procedures available. Many say it is safer than having your wisdom teeth removed -- when done between the seventh and twelve weeks of pregnancy by a reputable practitioner (your local Planned Parenthood would be a great way to start). Be aware that many "Crisis" - type pregnancy centers are against abortion and they will spend much of their time giving you information on carrying your pregnancy to term versus accurate medical information.
Hopefully, you have a few friends that can help you on this journey. Just take some time and really figure out how open you want to be regarding this situation. After all, the more people you choose to tell, the more opinions you'll have to deal with as well. Follow your heart and be as honest as you can with yourself - as well as everyone else.
Copyright 2005 Libida.com and Dr. Kathleen Van Kirk Reviewed by: Kathleen VanKirk DHS
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